Two Halves of a Rabbit

On a beautiful summer day in 2024, both of my dogs were out romping on a little over eight acres of woods that we have been blessed to steward in the Pacific Northwest.   While they romped, I was "enjoying" yard work on the property (otherwise known as the ultimate in "free" gym and fitness experiences) when I noticed our older dog racing out of the brush at breakneck speed.  I also noticed a smaller creature with a round little cottontail racing out of the same brush at a slightly faster speed.  Much to my dismay, the smaller creature soon slowed down and my dog caught up to the poor little thing which led to a scene that I won't describe in detail.   

The rabbit did not survive the experience.  To make matters worse, my other dog wanted to get in on the action and we ended up with two halves of a recently thriving rabbit in the mouths of two different dogs, running in different directions around the yard.  There was absolutely nothing I could say to them, no matter what the level of my voice, that would persuade them to stop being so "cruel" to that poor rabbit.  Their brains had turned off and instinct had kicked in at full volume.  

In that moment of horror and dismay, I couldn't recognize the sweet, mild-mannered, playful, and affectionate dogs that I knew and that got  along with my two cats (also "prey") just fine.  In that moment, all I saw was two predators doing what predators do.  

Hunting and killing.

This, despite the fact that these two canines were guaranteed two full meals a day and ample treats that would never leave them truly hungry. This despite the fact that they were "trained" to behave without aggression. This despite the fact that there were at least a hundred other, quite fun things to do in the great outdoors. 

Anthropomorphizing them, however, wasn't the way to go. This behavior was their instinct. The fact that both dogs are part hound only strengthens their impulse to hunt, tree, and kill.  

I hated watching this scene unfold, but I gave up my first impulse to scold and yell at them to drop the rabbit and retreated to the house until it was over. I couldn't watch any more of it.  The image of those two halves will be etched in my memory forever.

The scene made me think about how as human beings, we are created differently. We have been granted the immense privilege of being able to override our instinct in favor of compassion.  And with that privilege, it seems that we have a responsibility to reject cruelty and choose kindness.  We have the potential for self control. We can choose not to be cruel.  If we have enough to eat, we can refrain from hunt and kill.  As omnivores, we have the technology and capacity to kill the animals we ultimately eat -- humanely and with respect.

Yet so often and in so many ways, we choose to do otherwise.  We choose cruelty. We choose to be unkind.  And often it appears to have nothing to do with instinct.  Sometimes... too often...we come up with new and horrifying ways to act.  We come up with unkind and ugly ways of being that are far beyond the capacity of two hound dogs.

They do what they do purely out of instinct. 

And what of human beings?  If our basic needs are fulfilled, why would we and why do we choose to be cruel? 

Unity rather than Division (SB100)

 This blog is part of my ongoing effort to maintain a record of my written communication expressing concern about what is presently going in the U.S.  

Florida has a bill up for consideration this legislative session (SB100) entitled Display of Flags by Government Entities:

Display of Flags by Governmental Entities; Defining the term “governmental entity”; prohibiting governmental entities from erecting or displaying certain flags; requiring governmental entities to remain neutral in certain circumstances; authorizing a current or retired member of the United States Armed Forces or the National Guard to use reasonable force to prevent the desecration, destruction, or removal of the United States flag or to replace such flag to a position of prominence, etc.

Many people view this bill as an effort to keep Pride and Black Lives Matter flags out of government buildings.  In my view, the bill continues to shine the spotlight on divisiveness rather than on unity. I believe that unifying people is part of the responsibility of governments at all levels (local, state, national).   I oppose the bill because I think "objective" interpretation of political neutrality, in the current mood of Florida and the nation, is far more likely to lead to subjective and biased interpretation than objectivity.   The following letter was focused on promoting unity rather than further divisiveness in opposition to SB100.  

Written on March 3, 2025 to my FL state senator and FL state representative:

I am writing as one of your constituents to encourage you to vote against SB100 (Display of Flags by Governmental Entities).   I do not disagree with the premise of the bill which appears to be to preserve political neutrality in government buildings.   My concern is that what is or is not politically neutral is vulnerable to subjective interpretation and therefore, equally vulnerable to bias.  If the state of Florida continues to pass laws that are vulnerable to subjective interpretation, we risk inflaming or promoting further divisiveness. I grew up in Florida and this is not consistent with the Florida I know or the Florida I want.   

I would prefer that we consider bills that are more resistant to cultural or political bias, that focus on unifying rather than dividing. I may be naive on this, but why not simply restrict flags in Florida government buildings to the U.S. flag and the Florida flag with a clear message that reflects the mission of Florida government.  Perhaps, a statement along the lines of "Florida strives to protect, educate, and improve quality of life for all Floridians".  

I fully understand that sometimes the voices of underrepresented groups can seem too loud or too aggressive, but instead of responding in a hostile way to such messaging, I strongly support crafting a positive and neutral message.  As Floridians, we need  to do what we can to stop riding the negative wave that the current culture wars seem to be on.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

Corporations are not people

This blog is part of my ongoing effort to maintain a record of my written communication expressing concern about the actions of the current presidential administration that lead to unnecessary (and in some cases cruel) harm to others, to the U.S., or to the global community. 

I wrote the following letter regarding concerns over the increasingly negative impact of the Supreme Court's 2010 decision in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission which ultimately gave more influence and power over our federal elections to corporations and the ultra wealthy few in the U.S.  

More about Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission

While 2010 was quite a while ago, the increasing impact of the 2010 decision is being felt in a big and ultra concerning way in recent elections.   HJR 54 is a resolution to support a constitutional amendment that limits the rights protected by and stated in the U.S. constitution to natural persons only (and not to corporations).  

Information about HJR 54

How to reach your U.S. Senators:

https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm

How to reach your U.S. Representative:

https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative

***************************************************

Dear Senator <Name>,

Dear Representative <Name>,

As one of your constituents, I am writing to urge you to support HJR 54, the We the People Amendment, to ensure that the vote and will of the American people are the primary force behind selecting our leaders and guiding our norms, policies, and laws in the U.S.

Corporations are not people.  Money is not speech.  The Supreme Court's 2010 ruling in Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission handed a disproportionate and growing amount of influence and power in our elections to those who have money ... both corporations and the ultra wealthy few in the United States.

Money pays for propaganda and influence that the ordinary American cannot compete with.  And the transparency presumed to prevent the Citizens United decision from increasing corruption and limiting influence in American politics to a select few has not materialized.   Now more than ever, I am deeply concerned that our leaders and legislators are pressured into serving the interests of corporations and the ultra wealthy few instead of us, the people. Corporate interests, power, and greed have become far too influential in policy priorities and decisions. 

If not HJR54, then please act and act quickly to restore the balance in our democracy, so that the voice, vote and influence of ordinary Americans on our federal government is on par with the voice and influence of other entities and the wealthy. The U.S. Constitution makes no mention of corporations or other organized entities exerting power over the will of the people.  Yet, here we are, in exactly such a situation.  Money and power must not be the determining influences in our government; by definition, this denies us democracy.   

Sincerely,

<Name of Constituent>

The Crickets and the Oak Tree

Let's start with the fact that I don't like bugs.  Particularly bugs in tropical and subtropical climates (like Florida and related environs). They tend to be oversized, fly, bite, eat structural parts of houses, or any combination thereof. Palmetto Bugs. Termites. No-see-ums. Mosquitoes. Ugh.  

Crickets would be no exception to my general dislike of bugs, were it not for the fact that I never actually see them:

Crickets are nocturnal, pleasantly heard but not seen.  As importantly, they aren't aggressive and they don't bite.  The males rub their wings ceaselessly together in an effort to attract females.  Their collective chirping is a familiar sound at night, growing ever louder as the temperatures rise.  Their collective sound is impressive given that each cricket only weighs about half a gram (about the same as a raisin).  Among all bugs, crickets are among the best.  

Also among the best of Florida's impressive variety of species is the Live Oak, The Live Oak is so named, because it doesn't lose its leaves in winter, thereby appearing to be alive when other deciduous trees appear to be the opposite. According to Smithsonian magazine, the Live Oak "embodies the American ideal of individual resilience."  Sturdy, strong, solitary, and sprawling, the Live Oak has historically provided a safe harbor to people and animals during hurricanes and itself is largely invulnerable to hurricane-force winds.  Recently, the latest claim to fame for the Live Oak is its exceptional ability to absorb carbon in the atmosphere, making it a friend to anyone who believes in and fights against climate change.  As a tree hugger, I love the Live Oaks in Florida as much as I love western Red Cedars in the Pacific Northwest.   

It's not much of a surprise, given my love for both crickets and live oak trees, that they were the first thing that came to mind when the following questions were posed at my book club:

Where do you find your best “quiet and still” time to facilitate heartfelt prayer?  Is that time static (are you physically still) or dynamic (are you doing something) or a combination of both?  How can you tell when your spirit is becoming still enough that you will be able to hear "the still small voice" of God?

One of my biggest challenges to regular prayer is finding a place to calm my schedule and mind long enough to pray with sincerity. I can say the words and use the language that I've heard others in the church use but in the end, I often stop midway through these futile efforts to force prayer.  I realize that I am not fully attentive to what I'm saying, that at some level I am just going through the motions. so I just stop.  

Yoga helps me to center.  Even while twisting my body into various forms of a pretzel, I can focus more on meditating -- quieting the million things running to and fro in my mind and body long enough to get within sight of intimacy with God. More often than not, though, yoga class ends and reality returns before I get there from where I started. Hubbub and conversation erupts in the room immediately after class ends. To me, conversation is the last thing that I'm thinking about after an hour of connecting mind, heart, body.  I guess that's an introvert thing.  And from the looks of it, I guess I am one of very few introverts doing yoga these days.  

And so the search continues -- to find a proper centering place for meaningful prayer. It's out there -- but in the strangest of places.

While in Florida, I sleep in a bed that is surrounded by windows on all sides except for one (unfortunately, I have to get out of bed in the morning somehow).  Late in the evening, when my neighborhood has calmed down and the neighbors are asleep (as are their lawn tools, vehicles, and other noisemakers), the sole remaining sounds in the night air are courtesy of a convention of crickets.  To hear them better, I often stick my head out the open window as far as it can go without pushing the screen out (hence why this blog is not called "The Cricket, the Mosquitoes, and the Oak Tree") to hear them more easily.  While the crickets chirp in song, the two large oak trees in my postage stamp size backyard reach their massive canopy into the night sky, dappling the ambient city light onto the lawn below.   And these are my moments -- centered and still.  On the luckiest of nights, I also hear the still small voice of God.  

In those moments, it's the easiest thing in the world to pray.   

Weird.

   

Conflicts of Interest at DOGE

This blog is part of my ongoing effort to maintain a record of my written communication expressing concern about the actions of the current presidential administration that lead to unnecessary (and in some cases cruel) harm to others, to the U.S., or to the global community. 

I wrote the following letter regarding concerns over the newly created Department of Government Efficiency.  Feel free to copy any or all of this letter for use in communicating with your own elected officials.  

How to reach your U.S. Senators:

https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm

How to reach your U.S. Representative:

https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative

***************************************************

Dear Senator <Name>,

Dear Representative <Name>,

As one of your constituents, I am writing to ask that you work quickly to increase oversight and to eliminate the significant conflicts of interest that, at the present time, are clearly evident between the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) and the IRS, Treasury, Health and Human Services, and other government agencies to which DOGE has unacceptably broad access.  

I think we can all agree that DOGE must not illegally access, analyze, or misuse our private financial, medical, or personal records for political or other purposes that would give an unfair and disproportionate competitive advantage to any individual, corporation, or other entity in the United States.  Yet, by allowing Elon Musk to access this information without stringent oversight is the equivalent of giving the fox the keys to the henhouse.  And, we have enough problems with hens and eggs at the moment.  Let's not add to them.

Allowing Elon Musk access to the tax records of his competitors in the corporate/business world is the very definition of conflict of interest.  I have been a professor at a public university for over 25 years and every time I submit any kind of application for funding (grant, contract, or otherwise), I am required to sign a statement disclosing any financial conflict of interest (i.e.,  an investment in a business or other entity  that stands to benefit financially from subsequent funding).  Failure to disclose is grounds for immediate termination, despite the fact that I am tenured.   Yet, while I am held to such ethical standards by federal funding agencies (as well as by state government), a double standard seems to be in play now for Elon Musk. Why is it OK that he and his team can proceed with such obvious financial and other conflicts of interest while so many of us "ordinary Americans" engaged in public service and research are held to a tighter ethical standard?

I am deeply concerned that DOGE is likely to be forcing  its way into the government’s most tightly protected databases and systems, without consideration of the longstanding privacy safeguards mandated by the Privacy Act of 1974, the Internal Revenue Code, and other laws.  The lack of safeguards and transparency in combination with the speed that DOGE is moving forward all but guarantees that mistakes will be made and that information will be leaked, released, or abused.  

And if the OGE (Office of Government Ethics) is working to prevent these conflicts of interest as is its mission, it is time for more transparency in how such prevention is moving forward to keep pace with the conflicts of interest that are expanding every day in our current federal administration.  

As your constituent, I urge you to take strong action to ensure immediate and transparent oversight into DOGE’s actions and to do what ethically must be done -- prevent conflicts of interest that all but guarantee intrusive privacy invasions and misuse of information.  

Sincerely,

Roseate What?

While technically a subtropical rather than a true tropical climate, west central Florida (on the Gulf of Mexico) hosts a similarly impressive variety of species as tropical zones. According to the science, the high temperatures characteristic of tropical and subtropical zones cause metabolism, ecology, and evolution to move along at much higher rates than in temperate zones, leading to a step up in biodiversity compared to other climates.  

Of the many things that grow and thrive in my neck of the Florida woods (Clearwater, near Tampa), my favorites are the many different types of shorebirds that live along the ocean beaches, estuaries, and bays.   With the possible exception of the seagull (the oceanside relative of the camp robber), I like them all.  It seems impossible to pick a favorite shorebird.  Who doesn't feel awestruck by the sight of the solitary and majestic, great blue heron?

Or amused and amazed at the snowy egret with its bizarre mating plumage?

Or struck with cuteness at a gaggle of adorable little plovers motoring along the sand at a million miles an hour?

While all of these wonders of nature cause me to stop for a moment in this busy world and gawk, one shorebird in particular stimulates an exceptional case of the WOWs. The first time I saw this bird was in captivity at a spring about an hour north of Tampa Bay. Once a train station, then an exotic animal tourist attraction, and finally a state park, Homosassa  Springs State Park is perhaps best known for opportunities to view manatees who come to the springs in winter to escape the frigid Gulf waters.  But the park is also home to hundreds of birds who are no longer able to survive on their own in the wild.   And that is why and where I met my very first Roseate Spoonbill.  

A Roseate What???

Well, that's exactly what I said the first time I saw a few of these birds hanging out in the protected areas of Homosassa.  The Roseate Spoonbill is so named because it has a beak shaped like a spoon (that any sane person would tell you looks absolutely ridiculous). The utensil shaped bill is equipped with custom-made nerve endings that sense when prey has wandered too close and triggers the bird to snap its bill shut and swallow the prey whole.  Hence, a large number of hapless shrimp, crabs, and other crustaceans meet their demise while passing alongside a seemingly harmless utensil swaying back and forth in the ocean waters.  

After seeing a few of these odd birds at Homosassa, I assumed that I would never see one in the wild.   But, one day, while wandering down a trail along the bay in Clearwater, I looked up in the sky and what to my wondering eyes did appear?  A bird that I was fascinated by but for the life of me, could not remember what its full name was.  That glitch in memory didn't stop me from trying to draw my husband's attention to the pinkish flying spoon.   In the excitement of the moment, I couldn't recall the full name of this creature in flight over my head.  Instead, unable to control what was coming out of my mouth, I said:

"Look, Look!  Up there! It's a Roseate ... uh... umm.... oh, what is it... ugh... It's a Roseate Hootie Wooter"

From that moment, the poor Spoonbill earned a new nickname and on the rare occasion that I see one fishing or flying along the ocean shore, it remains a Roseate Hootie Wooter in my mind.  

The Roseate part of the Spoonbill's name comes from the fact that eating carotenoid-rich organisms (that is shrimp and related crustaceans, some algae) causes them to pink up. The more shrimp they eat, the pinker they get.  And they can get pretty high up there on the WOW! scale when they've had a sumptuous lunch replete with many shrimp.   The rich array of light pink, dark pink, and just pink colors on the wings of this odd bird is stunning.  

And unlike flamingos who also turn pink from what they eat, the Roseate Spoonbill is not a flying skunk (flamingoes have a nasty odor that derives from the fact that they urinate on their own legs to keep themselves cool in hot temperatures; thankfully, Spoonbills don't indulge in this practice). 

Every time I see a Roseate Spoonbill (or a Hootie Wooter, depending on how well my memory is working at any given moment), I have a WOW moment that adds a smile, laughter, and even joy to my day.  

The last time I enjoyed such a moment, I was watching the sun set over Clearwater Beach from the mainland side of old Clearwater Bay. I was lost in my own little world watching the last bit of sun disappear into the horizon. As I sat on my rock along the water, reluctant to get up even after the last light of sun had passed into the horizon, WOW came flying my way. Not one but THREE Roseate Spoonbills flew, north to south in the sky -- not a hundred feet from where I sat.  

This may sound like a weird WOW moment, but we all have our unique moments where our experiences on earth converge with God's presence, and we just stop where we are -- in silence and in awe. I may be weirder than most, but that's a topic for another day.   

Of course, I had to laugh first when I saw the flock of Spoonbills dashing across the sky, before settling into silence and awe.  

What was God thinking when He gave a bird a bill that looked just like a spoon?

Constitution over President

This blog is part of my ongoing effort to maintain a record of my written communication expressing concern about the actions of the current presidential administration that lead to unnecessary (and in some cases cruel) harm to others, to the U.S., or to the global community. 

I wrote the following letter for a friend in another state who wanted to communicate his concerns to his U.S. representative. I have since sent a modified version to the U.S. Senators in my state and my U.S. Representative.   Please feel free to copy any or all of this letter for use in communicating with your own elected officials.  

How to reach your U.S. Senators:

https://www.senate.gov/senators/senators-contact.htm

How to reach your U.S. Representative:

https://www.house.gov/representatives/find-your-representative

***************************************************

Dear Senator <Name>,

I am writing to appeal to you to resist the efforts of the current presidential administration to expand the power of the executive branch while reducing or stonewalling the power of the legislative branch and ignoring the judicial branch.   While in the short term, supporting these efforts may further specific political agendas or avoid retribution from a retaliatory President, the threat to American democracy and the abandonment of constitutional principles will only do harm to a vast majority of the American people over the long run.   

I strongly encourage you to vote against installing or confirming individuals into government positions who are more loyal to President Trump than the U.S. Constitution (and to take action to remove them quickly when the actions of those confirmed into these positions demonstrate such misdirected loyalty). If President Trump (or any other U.S President for that matter) shifts the loyalty of individuals in the military, FBI, etc from the U.S. constitution to him, you and other members of Congress will become puppets, no longer able to advocate for and support laws that protect your constituents. As I am certain you are aware, your loyalty to the people of <my state> is something I as a <my state> resident count on for a stable and productive livelihood.   

It is highly disturbing to me that the Trump administration is now moving to directly control the government whereas in the previous Trump administration, most actions were focused on influencing it. Laws like the 2001 AUMF which provide the executive branch disproportionate power have become highly dangerous and are to be nullified. Additional laws that allocate even more power to the executive branch must be avoided at all costs.  Congress must put party politics aside and reassert and recover its function to create, change, and maintain laws of the land that support all Americans, not just a wealthy few.  

As an <your occupation> in <your state> and an active citizen committed to this country’s principles and ideals, I respectfully ask that you consider and prioritize the larger picture at play here.  Once lost, our adherence to the U.S. Constitution will be difficult to recover and will become not only a national tragedy but a major global disruption.

I encourage you to consider impeaching Trump again or at the very least, working quickly to dispense with political divides and build a coalition within the <Senate or House of Representatives> willing to take forceful and major action as needed to protect ordinary Americans from a looming autocracy.   

Thank you for your time and consideration. I beg you to protect ordinary American citizens and especially the people of <your state> whom you represent. 

Sincerely,

<your name>

Inaction at the University of Washington

This blog is part of my ongoing effort to maintain a record of my written communication expressing concern to the actions of the current presidential administration that do unnecessary (and in some cases cruel) harm to others. 

I am guilty of being at best annoyed and at worst really angry about the lack of leadership coming from the central administration of my employer (University of Washington).  I had to write and rewrite the letter below many times in order to remove the over "emotive" words that might have caused my words to be ignored or dismissed altogether. I acknowledge that the administration may be doing something to protect the community, but I don't see it.  So, at the risk of sounding cliche, I wrote as I see it.  

Written on January 25, 2025, at the end of the first week of the second Trump Administration.  President Cauce issued a statement on this issue on January 27, 2025. The relevant text is provided at the bottom of this blog.  

Dear President Cauce and Provost Serio,

I am writing to advocate for more visible and substantial efforts by UW central administration to protect the UW community from the immigration policies and actions that are being pursued with disturbing speed by the new presidential administration.   While I appreciate the wealth of information and resources available on UW web pages including undocumented student resources and the undocumented students pages, I strongly believe that becoming substantially more proactive with regard to guiding and advising UW students, faculty, and staff has become urgent and necessary.  

While I respect the UW's desire to remain politically neutral, there is much that can be done while maintaining political neutrality.  Advising all students, faculty, and staff to carry copies of relevant documents on their person (U.S. passport, relevant visa, green card, etc.) would be welcome and helpful.  Encouragement to those who are eligible to obtain or update their U.S. passport (considered the gold standard of U.S. citizenship) would also be both timely and appropriate.  Advice regarding how to respond to immigration representatives who question those in our community with little or no notice would also be most helpful to many of us.  Words and tone matter in responding to those in power, particularly those with blanket mandates in hand.   Mentoring individuals in our community, whether documented or undocumented, with regard to best choices of how to respond to immigration officials can go a long way to reducing harm and injustice.   

I am no expert on best practices in the current situation.  As a birthright citizen, I am shocked that my citizenship as well as the status of others whose parents are or were not U.S. citizens has even come into question.  I am equally concerned about others in my community who are not U.S. citizens.  

Please help us.  Help our community.  We welcome your leadership.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

**********************************

The following is an excerpt of a letter sent via email to students, staff, faculty, and academic personnel in the University of Washington community on January 27, 2025.   Despite the many struggles and disappointments I've had during my career at the UW, I felt blessed to be part of a community that is standing up to protect students vulnerable to deportation without due process.   

Dear UW community,

Every change of U.S. presidential administration brings with it changes in federal policy. But the whirlwind of executive orders and policy directives of this last week, combined with rumors of more to come, have created anger and fear for many in our community, while eliciting support from others. Whether in favor or against, or some of each, rapid change and uncertainty can be a source of anxiety and distress, especially when it is still unclear what some of these orders will actually entail and how they may affect our students, faculty or staff and our University community more broadly. Please know that we are closely evaluating and monitoring these policies and the possible impacts they could have on members of our community and on our public values of access and excellence in teaching, research, service and patient care and are in the process of evaluating how to deal with various scenarios....

One area of special concern given our University and state’s ongoing commitment to the educational success of Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals (DACA) recipients and undocumented students is how to respond in the event that federal officials from U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) or other representatives seek information about undocumented students and/or come to a UW campus or facility for an enforcement action.

 Washington state law prohibits the sharing of information or use of state resources, including University resources, to target Washington residents solely on the basis of race, religion, immigration, citizenship status, or national or ethnic origin. In addition, most student information is protected by federal law (FERPA). While immigration officials cannot enter a classroom, laboratory, campus residence or private office without an appropriate warrant or judicial order, we are not legally permitted to prevent federal immigration officials from coming into the public spaces of a UW campus or facility. And there might be instances when we will be required to respond to valid warrants or judicial orders.

If immigration officials come to your classroom, laboratory, campus residence or office, you must immediately contact the relevant safety office — their numbers are listed below. They’ll work with the Attorney General’s Office so that we can respond appropriately given relevant state and federal laws. Employees should also notify their supervisor. We would also appreciate it if you would contact your safety office if you become aware of immigration officials on a campus or at a UW facility more generally. Finally, Washington Governor Bob Ferguson today issued an executive order directing his administration to make preparations for supporting children whose caregivers are detained or deported, including working with the state’s colleges and universities to support students facing these situations. More directives or support from the state may be forthcoming.... 

Mr. Scott and Mr. Hegseth

I don't have any sugar to coat my feelings about Pete Hegseth becoming the next Secretary of Defense.   And given the fact that Mr. Rick Scott doesn't respond to my letters, I don't have any sugar to coat my letter to him either.  I feel terribly guilty about taking a position on political issues, mostly because my employer has for years pushed the idea that neutrality is the "high road" and strong opinion on political issues is a no-no.  But, that's a topic for another day.  

My letter to Mr. Rick Scott, Republican Senator from the Sunshine State, follows, sent a few hours before Inauguration Day 2025.  

Warning, the letter is not very sunny.   

Dear Senator Scott,

I am writing to you regarding your support of Pete Hegseth to be Secretary. of Defense during the Trump administration set to begin tomorrow --  January 20, 2025.   I doubt that anything I could say would sway your decision to vote in favor of his confirmation.  Since I am also largely unfamiliar with what it takes to be a fair and competent leader within the military, my opinion regarding Mr. Hegseth's suitability to the position is not as credible as it could be.

As a woman engineer who has spent many years in a male dominated field, however, I have a great deal of understanding of what being a woman in the military is like. Engineering is close behind the military in the rates of sexual harassment of women.  Harassment and assault are especially prevalent in out-of-office trips and events such as the conference where Mr. Hegseth was accused of sexual assault.  

Sexual assault, harassment, and other sex-based discrimination can dehumanize, diminish, and shame a woman.  It often steals a woman's potential and limits her many years after an incident(s).  Violated sexually, women understandably have a very difficult time coming forward at all and it is the rare woman who is brave enough to come forward in the current political climate, risking being profoundly shamed and dehumanized all over again.   Is it then truly "disgusting" for a woman not to come forward (as you stated on your interview with Jake Tapper) given what she might face?  Would you want your daughter to face a barrage of questions and an interrogation focused on discrediting and shaming her?  

Given all these things and the fact that only two people really know what went on in Mr. Hegseth's hotel room, I would like to strongly appeal to you that if you do vote in favor of Mr. Hegseth's confirmation, you also strongly advocate for and  actively support increased and improved measures for protecting women in the military from sexual harassment and assault  While increased misbehavior toward women may or may not happen as a result of Mr. Hegseth's confirmation, the fact remains that there is higher than usual risk given Mr. Hegseth's past.  And that risk must be addressed if the Senate chooses to confirm Mr. Hegseth's nomination.   The answer cannot be "it's not in our purview" or "the resources aren't there."  

I think we can all agree that we must protect the people who serve our country.   Protecting women from "friendly fire" in the military is as much a part of such protection as making sound judgements about when and when not to send our troops overseas.   

Trauma Turds

I was first introduced to somatic therapy (via traditional talk therapy) late in 2023 as I was attempting to plow through a traumatic episode (like a bull in a china shop) and was struggling with a pathetic lack of progress and the anxiety that went alongside of it. 

At the time, I couldn't decide whether somatic therapy made good sense or  was some crazy, harebrained new trend that would soon pass (with more emphasis on the latter).  According to the experts and other folks who know far more than I do, somatic therapy treats mental health (particularly PTSD, anxiety, and its many cousins) by strategically focusing on and leveraging the mind-body connection.  The therapy is based on the premise that stress, tension, and traumas (including the wickedly entrenched and seemingly unreachable type) are stored deep in the body somewhere and leaving them there is a fabulous recipe for poor physical and mental health over the long haul.   Through proper mind-body exercises, somatic therapy is though to coax the body into releasing buried trauma.  Once those traumas have resurfaced in search of their freedom, the mind can (presumably and with the right kind of help) wrestle them into a healthier tomorrow.  

Sounds very logical but I was skeptical.  My body wasn't exactly sending me email about where all this trauma was hidden or how it would cooperate and let go of it.  

But I felt like I had hit a wall with talk therapy ... the large brick, insurmountable type.  Not because I lacked an excellent therapist, but rather because my mind seemed pretty skilled at keeping what I had not yet talked about in therapy out of all present and future conversation.  When my mind was hell-bent on something, it seemed to get its way no matter what kind of negotiation I entered into with it. This was in no small part courtesy of many years of education and training that brainwashed me into believing that good scientists and engineers let the mind and rational thought run the show... always.  

Despite feeling skeptical and having to fight off my trained mind, I resolved to be open-minded about somatic therapy and dip a single toe in the water (one toe, not the big toe, and no more).  To do this, I began taking yoga classes as my token baby step forward.  I hadn't done yoga in several years ... since shortly after COVID-19 took over the world and created its own trauma.  My lapse meant that I was about as limber as a piece of rebar.  And while I knew from past experience that regular yoga practice would resolve the rebar issue and make me more flexible, I was not looking forward to the inevitable pain and soreness that would get me from here to there.     

In the past, I had treated yoga as mere physical activity -- a means to minimize the stiffness, aches, and pains that aging was invariably pushing onto my radar screen on a regular basis.  I had been warned by conservative Christians that going to yoga class was tantamount to worshiping pagan gods by diverting me to Eastern religion.  Downward Dog would most certainly lead me away from proper Christian life  Peaceful warrior, mountain pose, and forward fold would then advance me into Satan's den.  Etc.  Ugh.   

When I considered whether these perils were potentially valid, reason and emotion returned me back to God's promise that He would chase me to the ends of the earth if I lost my way.  So, in the unlikely event that the devil was indeed hiding in one or more of my yoga classes, I was confident that God could and would pluck me out of Satan's grasp and set me straight. In the meantime, I would drag the Holy Spirit into yoga practice with me, and invest in the practice spiritually, emotionally, and physically to see where it could take me.   

As I started the second phase of yoga practice in my life, I began to pay more attention to what was going on in my mind, in my breath, and in my heart... all while I played advanced Twister with my body.  I thought that meditation, if I could muster it, would calm the running commentary in my mind. If  I could get past pondering how my body was not a pretzel while my instructor was busy trying to tell me so.  If I could find peace in the occasional moment of limberness.  If I could experience mind, heart, body, and spirit at the same time -- well, then, that would be progress.

Slowly, I was able to do something that I  had never done before ... meditate.  In meditation, my mind wasn't blank, but it was at least less busy and more calm.  A million thoughts running around a hundred miles a minute cooled down to a handful of thoughts milling about with no particular place to go. Progress.

And slowly, guess what?  I discovered that trained, experienced therapists were right.  In the moments of paying attention to my breath, attending  to one body part at a time, and raising my awareness of the complex machinery that makes up the human body, I started to notice weird stuff going on.  I felt  little pieces of pain, sometimes deep and sometimes light, breaking off from various parts of my body or breath -- and heading inward -- to my heart center.  

Though not a tangible place, the heart center  is still recognizable as the place where my deepest feelings hide.  It is close to the physical heart but not actually the physical heart.  It is oddly and simultaneously -- very nebulous and very distinct.  

The little pieces of pain that broke off from various places in my body and stages of my breath to be hurtled toward my heart center at high speeds ... deserved a name.  For lack of proper scientific terminology to describe them, I settled on calling them Trauma Turds.  I don't know the size of the Trauma Turd army that lurks within my being.  Yet, I see who they are when they escape their trenches and travel toward  my heart center like asteroids barreling toward an unsuspecting planet.  

As the turds crash land, they hurt, much like an acute moment of grief or a deep disappointment. They have no individual names. I don't know who they are or what they represent. But I think the whole point is that I don't really need to know what part of my life or which experience pooped them into my mind-heart-body.  But I suspect that the escaped trauma turds will eventually have a voice, at least enough so for me to face them, deal with them, and give them a swift kick out of my psyche.  

Wretched turds.   

Despite the weirdness of it all, my one toe in the water is happy .   I am still a little skeptical about my happy toe, but I am willing to dip another toe or two in similar waters and continue on in this journey. To release, accept, and face the Turds.  That is the goal here.

Yoga practice isn't the whole solution, but it certainly seems to have set me onto an interesting and hopeful path forward.

And on a spiritual note, instead of leading me away from God, yoga practice has instead drawn me closer.  In the silent times when meditation becomes within reach, when the gears in my mind ratchet down and allow thoughts to move more slowly, I do more of what I have historically done not nearly often enough. Pray.  

But then... 

Zing.  There goes another one.

Stupid Turds.

Notice. Refocus. Meditate.

Pray.

Zing. 

Sigh.

 

Holidays made Simple

 

I asked Google (which knows everything and wouldn't ever lie to me... right?):  "What is Friendsgiving?" and  Google dug up the following for me out of cyberspace:

"... Friendsgiving is a good way to gather friends, colleagues, or neighbors who are unable to go back home to their family or are wary to travel."

Interesting that there is nothing in Google's notion of Friendsgiving that recognizes that some don't have family "to go back home to" or  that some "are wary to travel" because they don't have the money or the days off from work necessary to hop in a car, train, or airplane headed to a faraway destination where family reside.   

Regardless of Google's limitations (of which there are some ... sorry Google), I am delighted that the concept of Friendsgiving has gained steam and popularity over the years.   It has certainly reduced the stigma associated with not being invited to (or hosting) a large gathering of blood-and-marriage relatives around a gargantuan  table with enough food to feed half a village (and still enough left over to serve an additional village of canines and felines).   Gone are the days when I feel "less" because the table is set only for two or because  Christmas dinner consists of warmed leftovers consumed in front of a Hallmark Christmas movie or a football game (or both).  

I never thought that I would spend a holiday season feeling "full and whole". I lack what American culture has traditionally said I need to have to feel that way -- a holiday filled with holiday parties, meal preparations, and large family gatherings.  

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring because...  we were all exhausted from... socializing.   

Of course, there is no proper rhyme to this sentiment, but it still rang true during the 2024 holiday season.   It all started on the day before Thanksgiving when we hosted a dinner (or delivered dinner) to friends and neighbors to give a break before the Big Meal Prep started.   On Thanksgiving day, we made the long commute to the house across the street where our neighbors Josie and Jack were hosting a large Thanksgiving gathering for friends and family.  And so it went through the holiday season. Hosting dinners and enjoying the hosting of others. Cooking, Baking, and  No-Baking, exchanging treats until our GI tracts were overloaded with delicious food and launching a protest over the frequent overeating and lack of routine cuisine.  

At the end of the season, while making the last long commute from another neighbor's house back home after a lovely New Years Day party, I realized that I had hardly had time to feel lonely or depressed this holiday season.   

While Friendsgiving may, in the eyes of some, still only deserve a second or third place finish among the "best" ways to spend the holidays, it has many first place qualities.  Almost exclusively, I spend time with people I like and whose company I enjoy. I don't worry about difficult conversations among family members who may not get along with each other.  I don't get over-tired  by obligation, but have an option to reach that point by choice.  I have no large commitments to gift giving, so each gift is amply sprinkled with thought, love, and reflection.  

And let's not forget that if I socialize enough, I can largely forget about the fact that a large majority of my work colleagues could care less about what I am doing or how I feel over the holidays. 

Last but not least, if I eat enough, I can forget that I won't be able to spend time with some friends because they are restricted to family-only events over the holidays.

In 2024, I gained a new appreciation for this modern Friendsgiving plus alternative to Thanksgiving, Christmas, and the other holidays that spring up between late November and the first of January. 

Who needs those feelings that start to creep in at the start of Thanksgiving week? Feelings of sadness, loneliness, isolation, rejection, and their emotional cousins. Blech.

Adios. Au Revoir. Wiedersehen.  Goodbye Holiday Depression.  

I am deeply grateful for all the friends who surrounded me this past season. And yes, even for two of my best friends who I happen to be related to by blood or marriage.   

In fact, especially so.