State of Emergency declared in Seattle

A state of emergency was declared by the mayor of Seattle on the afternoon of Sunday, October 16.  The mayor wisely took action after a major emotional event occurred in downtown Seattle on a large, nationally televised field of grass embellished with horizontal white lines at five yard intervals.

It was estimated that the event was witnessed by over 400,000 residents in the Seattle area.  The mayor quickly called on the National Guard to patrol the streets of Seattle to prevent a potentially unthinkable and largely unstoppable spread of emotional expressiveness throughout the Seattle metropolitan area and Puget Sound region.  Among many disastrous consequences of such a widespread show of emotion would be an unfortunate acknowledgement to the nation that Seattle residents are actually human.  

The mayor warned residents of Seattle and surrounding areas to remain indoors, turn their televisions off, and seek shelter in reading Atlas Shrugged or The Canterbury Tales to prevent the sideline event at Century Link field from triggering further emotional outbursts.   Amazon, Microsoft, the University of Washington, and other major employers in the Puget Sound region were prepared to close their doors on Monday to minimize the possibility that water cooler and other side conversations might consider the unmentionable possibility that expression of emotions is actually healthy.  Such seemingly innocuous conversations, even if scattered and localized, could lead to a widespread coup of the long standing Pacific Northwest culture which forbids emotional expressiveness in favor of intellectual prowess and economic expansion.

Scientists at the University of Washington confirmed on Sunday, after considering a limited set of data that suited their agenda, that expressing emotions at a consistent and intentional level was statistically unlikely to produce significant gains in economic or intellectual advancement for which the city of Seattle is nationally and internationally regarded.     Given the potential downsides of an ensuing culture coup, these researchers recommended that actions be taken to further stigmatize the expression of emotions in the Pacific Northwest. 

With any luck, the impact of Sunday's event at Century Link will be limited to the sports world, specifically to the poor, afflicted Seattle Seahawks who were subsequently forced to spend the entire week deflecting local and national media attention regarding the sideline outburst of one of their most talented players.   Such media attention understandably took precedence over discussions of how the team could advance its performance and position in the NFC west. 

In related news, the approximate 15,240 transplanted southerners living in the Puget Sound region, were found in sidewalks, parks, and other public spaces on Sunday evening, in various states of laughing and giggling.   Their seeming lack of concern for the seriousness of the situation triggered some observers to make anti-Southern statements that linked the consumption of chicken fried steak as well as biscuits and gravy to emotionally expressive moments and similar behaviors regarded as inappropriate in the great PNW.  

A quick review of  the eating habits of Richard Sherman (the Seahawks cornerback who triggered this crisis) confirmed that Mr. Sherman had neither looked at or consumed chicken fried steak or biscuits and gravy for approximately 47 months before Sunday's incident. As a result, some question whether Mr. Sherman may be genetically predisposed to expressing emotions as a result of his chronic passion for his craft.  Many years in the spotlight of the Pacific Northwest have not ousted these emotional tendencies from Mr. Sherman's psyche.  As a result of his success and resulting evidence that invoking emotion in one's career can be a good thing, it is with some regret that the leaders of Western Washington must now consider that a coup of PNW culture designed to drastically increase and favor emotional expressiveness may very well be appropriate, healthy, and productive to the region's national stature.

Or, according to those laughing southerners in the streets and parks of Seattle, such a coup might simply be... AWESOME! 

A Birthday Present measured in Touchdowns and Field Goals

The sky weighed in heavy with dark, turbulent cloud cover.  The ominous blanket of gray hanging over my head was threatening to turn into yet another cloudburst on this dreary, wet, dismal day that clearly marked the end of summer and embraced the beginning of months of nasty weather to come. Dragging my gaze away from the sky, I picked up my pace, pulling my roll-aboard behind me, daring the sky to drench me on today of all days, September 29.  Today was a big birthday for me, one whose corresponding number I dare not utter, lest I have to face the fact that I am getting old.

I was a mere twenty steps from the entrance to cover and the subway station when the rain began.   I assumed it had held off for that long because of my threats to each and every bloated cloud overhead. I was grateful for only 20 steps that left me damp and uncomfortable but not drenched in a downpour that wasn't particularly welcome on this afternoon.

As I boarded the underground train, I breathed a sigh of relief.  Onward from the wrong Washington to the right one, at least in my limited view of the world.  I was happy to leave the D.C. version of Washington behind and head back to the sweet, peaceful Evergreen State. With any luck, I would arrive there before my birthday ended.

Bless Alaska Airlines' heart.  Their wonderful spiffy airplane sped across the country with the greatest of ease, depositing me at SeaTac one hour before our scheduled arrival.  Although the parking shuttle did not come with the greatest of ease (or efficiency), I nevertheless coasted into the ferry parking lot, several minutes before the departure of the 11 p.m. ferry and was grateful to set foot on Whidbey Island half an hour before midnight.

I had requested a quiet birthday, one without parties or big celebrations, because I'm an introvert, and THAT'S OK.  You got that, ye masses of extroverts out there?

Friday began with a trip to a new nursery.  More trees than I could possibly hug on the way home but that didn't stop me from trying:

A quick lunch, a swim, a ferry ride, and then.... Barry pressed the button, the TV came on, a ridiculous assortment of dips and dippers were laid out on the table, and... the University of Washington Huskies football team marched onto the field on a beautiful night in Husky Stadium to play a slightly better known, nationally recognized team, that had of all things, a TREE as its mascot.  There is only one tree in the world I want to cut down, and the Stanford Cardinal is IT (at least in the world of football).

Truly, I expected a nail biter... a fight to the finish.  An adrenaline roller coaster that went on for three hours, before maybe, just maybe, the Huskies pulled it out and won a difficult game on national television between two top-10 teams.   It didn't go that way at all and I spent most of three hours with my jaw on the floor trying to pick it up so I could actually eat from the buffet before me.

In the end, there is something very sweet about the public school in the little known or recognized pacific northwest winning out against an elite private institution in a very BIG way.  44-6.  That was enough birthday present for me.  All day long, I had been advocating for 'pee'ing on the tree' but I never thought we would actually fell the Stanford Cardinal (Tree).  

I was grateful.  I love to watch the common folk win the battle over the elite.  I know it doesn't often happen, but being a common folk myself who just happened to go to Stanford, I still prefer being the common folk.  Personally, I think we (the common folk) are funnier, but I digress.

44-6 was awesome.  Really.   REALLY.  44 points were enough, all by themselves.  But, I didn't anticipate another 97 points to follow:  27 by the Seahawks two days later and 70 by the Huskies the following week against those pesky Ducks at Oregon.

141 points in touchdowns and field goals for my birthday.  What a present!  I'm still trying to figure out how Barry managed to finagle such football-induced bliss for this very memorable birthday!

Yay Huskies!  Yay Hawks!