The 2014 Infestation
All the information on the world wide web regarding tent caterpillars somewhat flippantly refers to the invasion of these multi-legged creatures as a simple nuisance, something that, while irritating, will pass with no ill effect in a few weeks time. These wise websites say the same for the gypsy moths that will emerge from the cocoons of these innocent caterpillars in another ten days time and inundate porch light and windshield alike. I am convinced that none of these writings emerge from one who has actually lived through an extreme infestation of these tenacious crawlers.
As one who is now living through such an extreme infestation, I can't help but think of Exodus and wonder if the eleventh plague has rained down on our little bit of paradise. In the middle of this crazy swarm, I wonder if I'll wake up and some guy (named Moses IV) will be at the door, ordering me to head out to Israel. With the massive number of little furry legs in incessant motion within stone's throw of my house, I just may take that guy up on his order.
The biggest impact of these creepy crawlies all over every outdoor surface is of course, an emotional one. I go to bed at night with little legs crawling all over the vision on the inside of my eyelids. Every itch, every tickle on my skin causes me to quickly swat at the offending area, instinctively wanting to be rid of whatever may crawl there. Every time I go out the door, I need to look up, right, left, and down to make sure I don't step or otherwise crush a caterpillar when I don't intend, thereby causing one or more streams of black and green caterpillar guts to go flying all over the place.
No, I am not one of those soft hearted folks who couldn't ever stomach killing another living creature. Some city folk may think they are truly that kind and soft-hearted, but I heartily invite them here to our infestation to test their conviction. I've killed thousands of these creepers over the last week and I have yet to feel a smidgeon of remorse. I have become a serial, sociopathic serial murder... with the only good news being that my impulses are constrained to a single non-human species.
In their current numbers, there are tens of thousands of caterpillars on our few acres alone, emerging from the tents they cleverly formed on the tops of alder trees, well above my reach and the reach of anyone who might have sought to prevent this invasion. Outside of our own property, they are in such massive numbers that two wide brown strips have formed in each driving lane on the nearby road, one for each tire track that reflects the thousands more caterpillars crushed as they try to cross the road. They show up everywhere ... at church, on the dogs, in the grocery store. Crawl, Creep, Crawl.
Nuisance indeed. Try sleeping with the sound of millions of legs crawling outside of your house and property. Try relaxing to enjoy the fresh air when the sound of caterpillar poop rains down from the trees far and wide.
This is either an addendum to Exodus or a scene from a low budget horror movie. Take your pick. The impact is the same. This is war.
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