Particular Persons

There is a certain type of employee who is ideally suited to the COVID-19 pandemic.  Whether blue-collar or white-collar, retail or wholesale, healthcare or other essential service, this particular person is easily recognizable in the midst of stay-at-home and various other assorted lockdown orders.   I think that like me, you are likely to have seen this Particular Person in your own travels outside the home. 

For starters, the Particular Person has memorized The Rules and is fully committed to encouraging and enforcing those rules, down to every last detail.

For example, one Particular Person caught me red-handed at the self check-out at our local grocery store with more than 15 items.  In no uncertain terms, I was told to collect my 17 purchases and redirect to a more appropriate register supervised by a cashier who would touch my items and breathe on me (and I on her).  I did this because I was expected and required to follow The Rules.   This, despite the fact that there was no one except for me and my 17 purchases in line for self checkout and there was inherently less risk to life, limb, and COVID-19 infection going through self checkout than through "manned" checkout.

Then, there was the Particular Person at the local hardware store, disguised as a cashier but remarkably adept at enforcing several sets of The Rules at once.  She could simultaneously disinfect the credit card machine, ring up a set of purchases, keep all customers standing precisely on the blue tape lines spaced six feet apart, and monitor anyone who was not properly exiting the store. This was where I got myself in trouble again.   Like most homeowners, I was using home improvement activity to reflect and meditate on the pandemic during stay-at-home orders.  And, as illogical as it sounds, I was at the hardware store, choosing colors for my next project and buying paint.   Choosing colors is harder than it sounds and after several minutes of consternation under the harsh fluorescent lighting inherent to most hardware stores, I stepped toward the front of the store to view my colors in natural sunlight.  That was when I caught the eye of the Particular Person at the cash register.  In a single bound, she leapt from behind the cash register to within six feet of my side to inform me that I was breaking one of the Rules by stepping up to the window (apparently the window was in the Do Not Shop -- Enter and Exit only zone).  Confused and startled, I tried to explain myself, but such an explanation was of no Particular interest, and I was herded quickly back into the store so that the Particular Person could, in another single leap, land behind the plexiglass protected register once again.

Of course, there are plenty of Particular People who supervise the entrances to Costco.  These Particular People manage somehow with the greatest of cheer to communicate The Rules to every incoming customer, repeating themselves umpteen hundred times a day.  These Particular People somehow find a way to turn the mask-less away without offending them or triggering an incident.   Once inside, more Particular People restrict meat purchases to no more than three in a most friendly manner.  Other Particular People instruct the customers to smash their receipts agains the plexiglass shield at the exit, so shopping carts can be checked against receipts, and the number of items that walk out of Costco unpaid stays limited.

In a Pandemic, it takes herds and flocks of Particular People to keep things running smoothly. The Particular Person is the one who despite being unusually enamored with The Rules, advocates for plexiglass barriers at checkouts, masks for employees and for customers, little changes here and there that overall make the COVID-19 world a safer place to be.

And so, as I grumble at running into another Particular Person who has a few rules that don't quite make sense to me, I can't help but be grateful for that individual who is willing to stand by The Rules and may inconvenience a plethora of non Particular Persons and aggravate a few more -- but also protects many other persons, whether Particular or not.

To borrow from Dr. Seuss, an ode to the Particular Person:

You have rules in your head
And feet in your shoes
You can deftly steer us
In any direction you choose

While COVID hands us the blues
You can still charm us on sight
so we will follow The Rules
and be rid of this viral blight