driving along a dark road

he put the car keys in my hand.
i snatched them.
threw them back
with all of my body,
all of my anger,
rolled into one.

i aimed at his face.
i didn't care about hurting him.
in fact, i wanted it.
to hurt him.
badly.

by the supernatural,
he caught the keys in mid-air,
smirked,
and
brutally forced them back into my hand,
where we had started.

"NO... I don't want your car.
 NO... I am not driving.
 Go AWAY."


my anger boiled.
i threw the keys on the ground
turned to walk
then to run,
the other way.

but halfway round,
in the corner of my eye,
i saw her.
my best friend
huddled in the passenger seat
woeful eyes
looking my way,
willing me to stay

my heart sank,
my will broke,
my shoulders collapsed.
i stopped, turned,
stepped into the car
started the engine
put the car in gear
and drove away.

in the rearview, i saw him
smiling, smirking,
delighting in our despair
i slammed the accelerator to the floor
until i could see him in the rearview
no more

now, safe for a time
we drove
the light faded into dark
we drove
the night stretched on
we drove

hours turned into days
days into months
months into seasons
we drove

my dear passenger
spoke less
we drove
grew weaker
we drove
finally
no longer wished to greet me

and one day,
along the dark road
we drove
a brief flash of light
a sign
a call
a beckoning

then her weakness
turned to despair,
and failure
into an ending

my heart broke,
my hands shook,
i wrenched open the handle
kicked her out the passenger door
and heard her bounce onto death's floor

for a moment
darkness
was complete,
all consuming.

then
a flash of bright eternal light
in the rearview mirror
as her body
came to rest
along the side of a very dark road
that lay right next to
Home

i turned the car round
began the long drive back home
into the many months of emptiness
that lay before me
driving back along the dark road
toward the lesser light of home
without her

Belle (July 4, 2000 - June 2, 2015)

I miss you.